i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
