do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
