I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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