Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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