Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am midnight drunk by noon
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
