you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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