The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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