A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
