When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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