worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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