Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
