I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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