shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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