What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
