I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
