So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
