Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
