If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
