I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
