party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
