Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
