I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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