It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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