Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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