Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
