Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me I should be a condom model.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
