But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
