i don't like sucking hair
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Come see our sink grown plant.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
