My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
