i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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