i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
