the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
