my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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