Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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