so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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