I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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