I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
