remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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