I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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