but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
