a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
