We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
