I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
