My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
