I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
