So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
