Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
