Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
