see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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