About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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