Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
