You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize