names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
