now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
