Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
