i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
