so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
