I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
