yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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