just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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