I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
