I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
