I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
