so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
