Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
