My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
