Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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