Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
