Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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