i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
