i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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